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The Interview

It is now a little past eight p.m and after many outfit changes, barely evading the rain outside, and cleaning fecal grass from Vriddhi’s heel, we finally sit down for the actual interview. She is still adorned with the layers of pearl necklaces from our photo-shoot but being a cover star is nothing but her second skin. As extravagant as The Vriddhi Vinay may seem, the times we spend together are often woven in the simplicity of a good conversation. I take note of my own fatigue which only begets my gratitude for her resilience to make my vision happen. She’s been at my apartment since three p.m and now I just really want to hear what she has to say about love: “What is your favorite thing about love?”? She says, “The concept of defining it yourself. Whenever I look at love from each of the categories, (whether it is romantic, platonic, or even ancestral), it doesn’t look like anything that is to the expectations of western, hegemonic society but it does make me feel very content.It’s evolved through both me and the other person. In self-love, I’m the other person too. I’m another person I love. I have love for other Brown girls and that’s also a love and a relationship between the two that has shifted not only what that love looks like but nuances for the community. My concept of love within the past two years has completely transformed my understanding of what it is and what that looks like for me. It’s been the most fulfilling.

Vriddhi might be the only person who wouldn’t flinch at my mention of ancestral love. Something I only put words to when thinking of her and the questions I wanted to ask. A lot of Vriddhi’s work is fueled by her love of community and that includes both living and dead. As an immigrant daughter myself, I have found a lot of relief in her through the shared understanding of a love that may hurt but is the most beautiful. A love that encompasses time and borders. The umbilical cord that we call diaspora. 

I tell her I’m glad she mentioned self-love.

Since escaping my Twelfth House Protection Year by the skin of my teeth, I’ve had a lot of inner reflections that really feel like the sleep paralysis demon at the corner of your room. They have been jarring to say the least. To look inward and see your role in relationships and then to find out what of those roles diminish the self feel like a first death. Selfishly hoping Vriddhi has been reckoning alongside me, I ask her how she thinks the love of self and the love of others are correlated. She quickly responds that she doesn’t believe in the concept of not being able to love someone if you don’t love yourself. “There are a lot of people in my life who definitely do not love themselves”, she says, “and definitely know how to give”. I listen to her to speak while envisioning my own past pouring while deserting my own cup. We do both agree that without having a good understanding of loving yourself and loving someone else, when problems eventually arise, you will internalize them. You might inflict said problems on yourself instead of helping to resolve them which might cause the relationship to implode.

As the sun sets against the amber leaves surrounding us, I begin to think of finality but not in a way that is morbid. Like a sunset. A celebration of the moon rising. I then ask her how she would like her loved ones to remember her when she no longer bears flesh. She chuckles and says, “I need them to cry. I’m not gonna lie”. She then pauses to add, “per tradition, I would want my funeral to have some type of mourning but it’s not as standard as you think to just weep and cry. In cultures that believe in another life, their soul is still here. Cultures that continue to worship or take guidance from their ancestors are understanding in some way that they’re still here with us”. Vriddhi wants to be celebrated when she’s gone. If there could be a party that isn’t ‘traumatizing’ to her friends, Ancestor Vriddhi would love it. “Please dress me up”, she implores, “I don’t care if I’m 90 years old. Please pour one out for me when I’m gone. I want them to feel the continued impact of community, to remember me when they create something. Whenever they’re out, I would want them to understand that my soul is still here with them. Pour one out for Vriddhi. I’m still in the room with you. Just know I probably want some salt with my shot”.

And now, I drop the big question or the question I am secretly most excited to hear her answer. Vriddhi is very Venusian to me and seeing how all things beauty and love surround her, I’m jumping to know she sees them in the future. Vriddhi makes you want to dress up just to see her, for the sole purpose of basking in it all. For platonic love, she wants a lot of long friendships to accumulate and to have a good network of friends. Even if you don’t know her as well, she wants you to be reassured that you do know her in one way. Through that, she aims to continue to provide some level of care for you. She tells me, “I don’t understand how people have set friend groups or travel somewhere and go, ‘oh sh-t, how am I gonna make any friends here?’ Of course keep in touch with your old friends but make more!“

When it comes to family, she takes a slightly somber tone, “because those are complex relationships I believe, in its earliest stage,  require healing to achieve that closeness. I feel like this is for most immigrant daughters; you just kinda want a healing process or maybe an acceptance process. When I was abroad in Barcelona, I was telling someone about my struggles with my family when it comes to acceptance. There are times where we didn’t speak to each other. Grandparents I’m not as close to because they’re nearing the end of life and it’s a serious thing to not be as close to them. I think I’m just realizing that ‘yeah, this is me. Either you’re gonna accept me or lose me.” I really do like phrasing it as that because I always had that feeling but never knew how to phrase it without it seeming like ‘it is what it is’. It is more so with family. I think you need to understand. There will never be a Hannah Montana presentable daughter for you because that’s absolutely exhausting. Also understanding ‘this is who my mom is. This is who my family is’

I’m a bit floored at the moment but I allow her to continue: “This current partnership that I have has been the most transformational in my life. The capacity that it has given me to explore more about myself, my confidence, and my needs has been absolutely beautiful. I’ve never been given that space before. With Blue, who is my loving partner, and us talking about the worst case: it not working for a continued amount. I hate to call it a break. In a romantic aspect, ‘I love you and not the relationship’. I had the opportunity to learn how to be alone before I met blue which helped me become even more emotionally strong. I would want this person in my life, throughout my life in whatever capacity. I want to continue to care for them, spend time with them, and support them. When we talk about things like being open, polyamory, monogamy…to whatever the relationship wants to look like as to what both of our needs and wants are”. We then recall on a conversation where we realized that maybe monogamy and polyamory didn’t really exist, since every couple had different wants, needs, and boundaries. Dancing with a stranger could be a problem in one relationship but not another. Why do we not extend that to everything? Why not find out what your true boundaries are and form relationships based on that? Maybe labels are our cave.

Vriddhi still struggles with fully grasping the concept of competition and jealousy being normal. She remains hopeful about her journey of unlearning: “Let’s romanticize jealousy. Let’s make jealousy a sexy green woman or monster. It’s so normal! Sometimes, you get jealous of your friends with your other friends. The lessons I learn in platonic love differ from the type of person and how long we’ve known each other. Romantically, you may be jealous that your partner mentioned going on a date. You probably want to spend that type of quality time with your partner or you want to travel with them. That might just be something you crave. Understanding what you need from them through jealousy. I also still struggle understanding the concept of exes and past love for someone else. I know that’s not someone you love or think about anymore but what is so wrong with someone keeping a fond memory or moment? What about something else existing negates the quality of what is now? Maybe I can report back to this and I have a much longer answer. There are constantly things we all have to work on before they stop feeling sour. It’s very beautiful to unlearn too so you can see how to support a partner.”

On a lighter note, I ask her what is her favorite romantic memory which absolutely bemuses her: “There are too many! I’m dating a very romantic person right now. It’s very very lovely. For my 21st birthday, Blue and I went to this rooftop bar with a view of the Empire State building. I remember looking at them and holding them and that’s when I feel like my brain opened up to all the things I feel about relationships. Understanding how I work with Blue: Our spontaneity, aligned interests, personalities. It was all clicking at that moment. It was an emotion of love, excitement, and happiness”. She then remembers in between laughs, “people kept asking to take photos of us. I’m very lucky. No evil eye. No nazar. It made me cry just thinking about it. It was so so sweet”.

Written, photographed, edited, designed, styled by Taina Jabouin

Wardrobe/Makeup/Set Design By Vriddhi Vinay & Taina Jabouin